Cool Parent vs Responsible Parent

Cool Parent vs Responsible Parent

If you pick up the one end of the stick, you pick up the other end (S Covey)

One of the most valuable lessons to teach our children is that they are responsible for their actions. They must be aware that there is cause and effect to the decisions they take and the behavior they express.

COOL PARENT VS RESPONSIBLE PARENT

Cool parents can be responsible parents! There is no need for tension between these two parental expectations. The problem arises when we bend the rules to be accepted by our teens. The role of a responsible parent is to help our children, particularly teens, to predict the outcomes of their behavior with the intention to foster responsible decision making. Teens should be allowed to take risks within boundaries, based on their ability to mitigate any potential fallout.
So, upfront consideration of their actions; changing of plans as they go along and ownership of the consequences of their actions, ensure that they fully grasp the idea of responsibility.


                                                “Teens are adults with training wheels”

 BUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP ON TRUST AND RESPECT THROUGH ACCOUNTABILITY

Teens need responsible parents that are consistent in their expectations. It gives them as sense of security that we are their “safe haven” and that we “have their back”. They learn to accept our rules when we are consistent in our expectations. When the expectation is clear they learn to know that there is something asked of them. An expectation of responsible action. When their behavior becomes associated with consequence they begin to learn how to be responsible in their actions.

The pitfall of being a cool parent is that we are expected to adapt to every situation in order to secure our relationship with our child. They are aware that we want to maintain our popularity and will give in to their every whim.  

Help them, teach them, grow them…

YET Parenting is allowing yourself to grow with your teen by learning to guide them through their teenage years. Share in their experiences and understand their view of the world. It is helpful to reflect on your own journey in relation to theirs. Help them to understand that they are yet to realize their own way in managing responsible behaviors. Help them, teach them, grow them…but don’t give in to things you might, in your heart, feel is wrong, simply because you want to be cool in their eyes.

DON’T FEAR THE WORD “NO”

There is a clear distinction between being a friend and being a parent. Teens question our decisions if they perceive us to be their friend. We are place on an equal footing as their “bestie”. This allows them to question our authority over their decisions. I start with NO when I am uncertain about giving permission for anything I am not completely convinced is right for my teen. I know that I can change my mind later when all the facts are clear. Saying no buys me time to fully consider my options and the consequences, whereas saying yes and changing my mind later, creates unnecessary conflict.

Cool parents find it difficult to say NO whereas responsible parents know that they are guided by their child’s best interest.

Say NO if you realize that the boundaries are being tested. When you don’t approve of what they wear, do and say, say NO.

Say YES when you know your child can be responsible in their behavior. This is where consistency in expectation is important since your child should be expected to behave according to your family values.

YET Parenting allows your teen to discover their own identity within clear boundaries set by responsible parenting. 

Happy parenting!

Dr O